men at the wall held the fruit,children in the moat begged,fire climbed the mountains,horses drowned in the rain,crows called home,no one ever left.

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 i think you are in a great start but as a reader, I am having difficulty on grasping what you are really trying to share or show from this piece. from what i read from this piece, there are at least three themes and i am having difficulty connecting them with one another. if you have explored more, show/tell the story and inspiration, and the thoughts running through your mind while you were writing this, i think the reader would not be put in a guessing game by reading this. i hope you improve this since it is such a great start. good luck. :)


A revised piece about bittersweet words.

Overall

i like this poem because it shows the beautiful imagery of the "sweet words" but i wish you could have explore or show more the concept on why the emotions/words were bittersweet rather than tell it by just the last line. other than that, i love your choice of words and how the words rolls of the tongue when spoken. very nice.


“I love to smile for you” - I said “Are you Mona Lisa?” - was your reply -  But,      Mona Lisa doesn’t   smile.  ———- as we strolled along    ...

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i love the simplicity and the imagery brought by this piece. one suggestion though, you could have improve the fluidity of this piece by the way you cut your words and the lines. your beautiful imagery is chopped up. it's like watching a movie which pauses intermittently while buffering. when i read this piece without minding the line breaks, it is more fluid and pleasing. :) 


You are my Johnny I, your June I saw you first for the dark you woreand the strings you played You saw my smile and the voiceWe are young, and ...

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this piece is just lovely. i especially love the first stanza. is this written as lyrics for a song? i say that because you captured the essence of blues. This reminds me of "Me and Bobby McGee" of Janis Joplin. The only thing I find that needs more work is the line "and sometimes we lay in bed naked" I wish you could have delved deeper into that imagery and tease the reader more. also,i feel that the flow of that line is a bit off. my humble suggestion is you could have cut it this way: "and sometimes we lay/ in bed/ naked" or "and sometimes we lay/ in bed naked," other than that, this piece is just beautiful" :)


Do you remember   that night in my empty roomBack when all I had   was a mattress on the floor,   a laptop,   and my favorite childhood movieThat we watched as we ...

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This is brilliant. Short but compact with emotions and imagery. you hypnotically transported me to a dreamy place with your first paragraph only to crush me in the end. What a swift kill.

This piece was initially inspired by my father's ailing health. In the end though, it appears my love for God slipped in. My intent for 'A beautiful life,' was/is to ...

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Beautifully written. I especially love the first, second and fourth stanza. This is almost like a passage from the Book of Psalms from the Bible. You captured the essence of faith very well.

Falling free,we are spaceshifted across;oblivion beyond voids,behind heartandheart behindvoids, beyondoblivion—across shifted space, are wefree falling?

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i love how you break the words line by line. you let the reader immerse in every line, in every word in such beautiful imagery. I don't know if this is intentional or what but this piece does give a character of free-falling. awesome.

when guilt and grief are just the sameno way of knowing which one to claimthe sorrow of a loss too closeto home, to heart, to what we knowand what we ...

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this piece is just wonderful. I especially love the two last lines. "I guess all that's left are the feelings that burn the guilt of living, the grief love earns "

I split my ribs open, only to spill a million black dahlias onto the floor. not being swept away by the wind. not being hidden beneath the grass carpet. nothing ...

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this is amazing. i added this to one of my favorites. very beautiful imagery. I especially love the opening lines "I split my ribs open, only to spill a million black dahlias onto the floor." I wish I could have written that! and i also love this line. "but I am a bird. wings broken.the sky is out of reach." this just brought pain in me. I could imagine myself being that bird, lonely, helpless, a creature that needs to be free and to fly but could not. and this line "my soul is everything.broken, mended. sore, numb. opened up my core." really amazing piece!


What’s a girl to do?

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I enjoyed the simplicity of this piece. Simple, yet you were able to convey the feeling and the imagery very well. In my own humble opinion, if you put the word "seems" to the second line of the first stanza, i think it would improve the flow on that stanza. but over all, very nice.