there are a lot of rhetorical mistakes throughout, like disagreeing tenses ("and now for his remaining days...it took jim"), an unreliable narrator ("breaking ribs for sure..." makes it sound too colloquial, like a fellow classmate instead of an omnipresent third-person narrator), improper semi-colon usage ("he first punch landed with such surgical precision; it took Nick right off his feet and he landed with quite an unnerving dull thud near the front door of the high school" - you could actually just remove the word 'such' and it would work much better, but then ", placing one on his chin and the other still gripping a fistful of hair; he ground the right side of his face into the floor, scraping layers of flesh off his cheek" also has an improper usage of such) and sentence structure that is difficult to follow, let alone hold any kind of flow. however, i really think that the biggest issue with this piece is that, as a reader, it left me confused. it begins like a typical tale of high school hey-did-you-hear-what-happened-last-night and while it deals with a very serious underlying issue, it's hard for that to come through because of the way it is being told. you switch from the view of what seems like a fellow classmate to a detached third-person point of view, which also makes it difficult to be able to keep up with everything at once.
another thing i noticed is that you have the same problem i did when i was younger - you're very wordy, and can string together lovely phrases very easily, but you don't ever really know when to stop. at a certain point, this becomes excessive and ends up hurting the piece rather than helping it. you and i can't be john steinbeck and write about the patterns on tree bark for thirteen pages at a time. what we can do, however, is make compelling and beautifully crafted sentences with enough depth that will make people want to remember them forever. just remember to take it down a notch. read your work aloud to yourself and see if it doesn't sound like too much. that's always the best rule of thumb for me. if you have to take multiple breaths to get through one sentence or find yourself tripping over it too much, it's probably better to keep it simple and edit that one down.
while the content is certainly gratifying, this seems like just a rough draft. i really hope you make some edits to this, because i feel like the story you're trying to tell could be a very stomach-churning, heart-wrenching one that keeps people hooked and gets them invested in your characters. we should want to cheer at nick and throw our fists in the air when he beats the bejesus out of the guy who just date raped his friend. we should feel empathy for carmen and understand her struggle to even refer to her terrible experience as rape. i believe that with a little elbow grease and a lot of hard work then you can convey these things, and do it well.