Though fireworks boom flowers at the sky, gun blast was a song eaten by our ears. I listened to your—their voice as it was my saving recourse—an unfathomable prayer that ...

1
Overall

The poem's title brought to mind Bob Marley's classic but of course the poem has its own direction. Try as I might, I could not find a coherent path within it. I wanted to find where you wanted me to go but I couldn't find the clues. I was uncertain about the stars. I want to encourage you to work this poem to the point where you think a dolt like me would have easier access to your message. Don't abandon it and don't leave it undone.


My soul is the abandoned theatre down the block,next to the internet café where I first met youand the Greek deli with the French fries—you know the one.It’s a big ...

Overall

This is really quite good. Exploring the self as if it were a theater has many obvious implications and is a classic theme stretching farther back than Shakespeare. The reference to the soul as a cathedral seemed an afterthought or at the least a temporary abandonment of the theme. Some of the old, classic theaters did have cathedral ceilings so perhaps there is a salvaging edit on the horizon? You could easily expand this piece embracing more fully the dusty history and bleak or promising future...


The weird mascots, burger in bun,Slurpers of the milkshakespeares spun,Thus do go pig out, pig out:Thrice to fries and thrice to piesAnd thrice again, to bring out flies.Ding! the burger ...

Overall

Inventive fun! Love this. One thing: capitalize hail! Shakespeare reference with twice and thrice and burgers... Well done. Not burger but the fun. Alas! Fie on this review system that demands a number no matter the intent or, for the matter, the content!


I'd always wanted to write about the time I almost died.My truck spun out on the interstateand I barely missedan 18 wheelerand sign post. The truck my grandfather left meended up ...

1
Overall

You could've made it ironic. You might of made it humorous. To leave it drily here is to make me wonder why. I just read a comment by someone who saw humor here; perhaps I'm a humorless bore but I failed (and continue) to see humor here.


Some people have fear that has grown so deep and  buried itself beneath the reach of any storms of passion or of love or devotion, beneath a calm but frigid ...

Overall

This carries the cadence and repetition required in a good spoken word piece. The form of this poem actually hides some of the rhyme schemes by embedding but, when present at all, the rhymes are tight although not patterned. It also works as a spoken word piece because it travels from idea to idea without elaborations that require time to puzzle out. As a primarily written piece, it requires a more thoughtfully elaborate presentation.


systematically referred on word of sense knowledge which exists and builds antiquity, this, from science, words philosophy, as were the several below topic, by these applied exclusions narrower that in ...

1
Overall

This piece eludes discussion and criticism because it is not possible to establish any meaning or theme from the presentation and established meanings of words. I suggest you abandon this attempt and hit restart. Then think of a theme that intrigues you and provides some opportunity for you to use whatever chops you have to move the world. I'd have given the lowest score possthey.


A caste degraded Demonstrated Way up high They waved their signs To a divine messenger Who called them lesser And wrote that sin Was born of skin And their innocent ...

1
Overall

The plight of those afflicted with the caste system, regardless of their status, is horrific. You done a good job of addressing the conundrum of willing acceptance of oppression. You could strengthen this poem by adding more emotion to your observations.


you crash into me, hard,and for the briefest second, the impact make's me forgeti am broken. you hold me, tight,so i won't rememberbeing ripped apartand pretend you canweld me back together. you ...

1
Overall

The brutally bare imagery of this poem is a manifestation of the poem's message. The poem explicates emotional bullying as a pattern of violence by a lover with the predictable result being self-loathing (how could I let this be?). As bare as the imagery is, or maybe because of it, the commas seem excessive and distracting. Although the actual sex of the subjects is not revealed, the imbalanced yin - yang is quite apparent. I enjoyed this and look forward to your next.


A short tale of a girl who wished to be the moon.

2
Overall

This is an epic love story where the partners courted for a lifetime that they may live together for eternity. This is the purpose of myth and folktales; to teach perseverance in matters of true longing. This is perfect for illustration. Find one if you're not one. This piece would be subversively effective as a children's book (pre-teen). 


How the birds seem to call At all those wicked ones Gazing down below How the stars seem to shine Only every once in a while But always when the ...

Overall

This is a somber piece that leaves the reader with a rather depressing sentiment. Well, poetry is not cheer leading but speaking to the truths we see to others. There are some phenomena problems in this poem. When the moon is full, its brightness humbles stars to invisibility. Now, what I've gathered thematically from this piece is that Nature, birds and stars being its representatives. Humans strive under this watchfulness while the wicked among us win again. This raises an existential question: why is Nature cataloging our suffering?

Poems often show up not fully formed. Because you, the poet, witnessed this birth, you may be blinded by its unspoken implications. However, you're the one who knows the poem's secrets and potential; it is up to you to bring it all to us in a manner that we can say, "I know precisely this! This is authentic!" And, the thing is, you can do this.