Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. ...

1
Overall

I enjoyed this piece. I think what works best is the varying pace, length and meter, which provides a suppleness to the text that I find quite effective. You're use of imagery is striking and lends itself to evoking a real sense of emotion, both good and bad! My criticism might be that although the imagery you are creating is good, the imagery itself is a little overplayed and could of worked better if it had been a little more oblique. My favorite section was this: 

 

I fear what happens when I
speak too loudly
write too quickly
breathe too deeply
see too much
cry too often.
We all do.

I found the rythem and pacing of this section particularly pleasing and inventive. Technically, I feel as if your writing could do with a fine tune, just to iron out some bumpy lines and to perhaps create a more pleasing word-flow but on the whole, an enjoyable text with some nice flourishes. . 


Overall

I really enjoyed this poem. The way it invokes the use of memories to conjure visuals in the minds eye is interesting and gives an interesting abstract reading of the work. I find the first verse exceptionally beautiful in of itself, the last line being particularly noteworthy. It reminds me a little of "The Shining," in the way that a place can hold or contain memories or essences beyond the physical world. Your meter is a little predictable at times, but this does at least give the poem a sense of stability; perhaps you could play with this, giving certain lines a different emphasis to pulls out interesting threads in the images conjured. However aside from this, I enjoyed the poem and the metaphysical landscape that it portrayed.

I'm always fincinated by the idea of live boardcasting; how you're sitting here watching somebody miles away and you can see exactly every miniscule movement that they make, unedited, and ...

1
Overall

I'm not sure about this. The themes feel underdeveloped, the piece too short. The writing feels a little flaccid  which for a piece that is ostensibly about passion and intimacy is not such a good thing. I understand what you were going for, and the otherworldly-ness of long distance relationships is a theme that I find interesting, however I think this piece fails to conjure much imagery that excites or stimulates my neurons. Perhaps if the work was longer and had more room for the themes to breathe it could turn into a more fleshed out piece. As it is, it feels like a work in progress, almost private notes rather than a finished piece. 


We are the Artists. We are the creators of Dreams.  I have a question; When was the last time you woke from a dead sleep and listened? You found yourself ...

1
Overall

This is a very interesting essay/flash-fiction hybrid that elicits a lot of sympathy from me, as I share your passion for this way of thinking. You're use of prose to encapsulate themes that can sometimes be difficult to make coherent was excellent. A particular passage that stood out was

"When was the last time you felt a rhythm? You heard a sound that made your body feel too small for your soul. You rolled your neck and drummed with your fingers, and closed your eyes and saw yourself flying. You rolled, twisted, stretched, followed the soul of a song from one end of three hundred and fifteen goddamn seconds to the other."

This seems like a sentence that I would have loved to have put into one of my own short stories and captures perfectly captures my vision of how music interacts with Ego and Id. Perhaps I would have liked this work to be a little longer, as I feel the themes are interesting to warrant more expanse and depth.


Overall

What I like about this is the raw sense of emotion that you illicit with your poetry. The imagery was very expressive and evocative and I felt a real sense of sympathy with the protagonist! What I think lets the poem down a little is perhaps the overplayed themes which have become a little mainstay in poetry of this nature. This is not to belittle the content which I think conveys excellent emotion and expression, only to suggest that perhaps you could think about experimenting with your themes and approaching issues of teenage angst from a different, more unique angle. Overall a poem that conveys a lot with interesting imagery


The heft of girders In the weightless night Of space is nothing - Day is so far off, and yet Ever present as a point of light Past the blue ...

2
Overall

This is a very well written poem, and one that manages to encapsulate and provoke big and interesting ideas whilst staying compact and concise with some nice internal tensions. The sense of space you create with your languid flow complements the themes of the universe in the abstract perfectly. The variation in stanza and couplet length creates an interesting undulation of imagery and gives a sense of movement that carries along the poem with an unfolding and widening scope. Perhaps the obliqueness of the images being used would put off some people, but I respect the respect that you have for the reader in discovering an inner truth to a poem and not to over-give in terms of meaning and explanation.


mask   a facade, her face no trace seeming stoic, strong striding along nerved of steel surreal none aware or care you broke her heart tore it apart stole her ...

1
Overall

I actually rather like this, there's something almost passive and restrained about the way you've tempered the flow of the piece, and you convey a sense of emotion well. However, a lot of rhymes are a little cliche, and the themes are ones that are overplayed perhaps by a certain section of the writing community. As well as this, perhaps the phrase "show not tell" would apply here, give some imagery and metaphor to color you writing, let it become a little abstract and allow the reader to uncover the meaning for themselves.