The mother-sealin the spotted nylon dressholds up a dandelion clockfor her pupwho grasps it, blows,   laughs    like floating seeds    in a summer breeze

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Hm. I like this. Yes? Yes.

 

I'm sort of iffy on the seals thing. Especially coupled with dandelions. Are they seals at the zoo? How is there a dandelion present? Maybe you want people to be struck by the awkward coupling. Maybe the seals have teleportation  powers and chose to go to a grassy field because "all the ice is melting anyway so why not adjust now?" type-of-thing. Darwinism?

 

Or maybe I know absolutely nothing about seals at all because I live in Indiana and Indiana is devoid of such awesomeness. Just playing the devil's advocate here(:


my stomach burns and twists when i think of what i will do to you while you’re here.and in return,what you’ll do to me.when i was little,i used to sew and ...

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That little couplet-ish part at the bottom gave me chills. Polysyndeton. Good stuff. This flows nicely. Kudos. It's often hard to achieve such fluidity when the tense changes regularly (i.e. first stanza is simple future (active), second stanza jumps from simple past (also active) to the present progressive (continuous active) and back, etc.). The parenthetical was a nice touch. Adds a tiny hush-hush/ don't-you-dare-tell-daddy vibe. A+ on diction. It's intelligent, but doesn't feel forced or strained. Really hypes up the imagery (which is also pretty damn awesome). I did not find it contrived at all. Nor would I call it trite. This is--by and large--original imagery and phrasing with a slight--emphasis on the slight, deary-- smattering of cliche. Which works, I think, to move the piece to another level entirely (deeper-meaning-wise). It's a solid poem. Good work(:

In ice cream parlors, parks, we come to blameour parents for the things we could not say(of nosebleeds, oceans, Old Hollywood fameand all those pretty boys who never stay):“I love ...

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I cannot tell you how many times I have read this poem.

The rhyme scheme just /fits/. It adds another dimension entirely. I mean, holy crows Stefan. This is raw yet refined. Full of deliberate whimsy & anything but predictable.

The allusions do not, in my opinion, indicate any marked contrast. The juxtaposition of parental roles, gender, and the shift toward the natural after the second stanza, however, are brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

This is not even mentioning the use of dialogue, the impecable imagery, asyndeton. I mean I could sit and revel in this poem for days. Each read brings to light more brilliance.

I love this. Bravo, Stefan, bravo. (: