It will be last call when his name
appears on your phone. Your fingertips
hesitate to answer, go into the bathroom
tell him to meet at your place in half an hour.
When your friends ask who you were talking to
lie to easily, say it was your roommate
go back to your beer; fade invisible.
Slip out the front door to meet your lover.
You will run home, trying as much as possible
to sober your drunken veins just to remember
how his stubble feels against your cheek.
When you open the door, he will be standing,
one hand in his pocket, the other on the door frame,
you can tell he has taken one too many shots of tequila
this is the only reason he called. He will smile,
you try not to melt like a G.I. Joe under
the magnifying glass. He does not speak,
he moves effortlessly into your home;
you have forgotten his force, every pulse
is telling you to push him away, to run.
You told yourself last time was the last time
he would control you. He presses his lips
against yours, his hand glides down your spine.
You are surprised at how weak he makes you.
He will lead you into the bedroom,
removing your clothing without strength.
You let him take you because you want him to
you know this is the closest you will ever be.
He will lick his way down your stomach.
Do not mistake this for passion.
Remind yourself this is only fun.
Your sweat mixes with his, heat rising
from his body. You can feel his heart
beat in his fingertips. It is fast and loud,
for a moment you think he could love you.
When he ejaculates on your stomach
he will hand you a towel. Clean yourself
off with deliberate force. When you slide
your shirt back on, do not look him in the eye.
Do no ask him to stay holding you until morning.
Do not tell him he is the condom you wear
on blind dates protection from letting
anyone else touch you. Do not tell him
you stay up late at night creating worlds
where the two of you build a beautiful home.
He will leave your apartment as easily
as he entered, without a goodbye kiss.
You are the fiddle he uses to escape
his broken life. Go back to your bed.
Hold the pillow holding his cologne.
Wrap your hands around his scent.
Press the fabric close to your face.
Fall asleep to the smell of him.
In the morning do not regret what you did,
retell yourself how you could have stopped it
because you could have stopped it, because
you could have stopped it. Wash the smell
of him away in the shower, block his number