There is a film
on continuous replay
where I see you sleeping
I cry
frozen by too many choices
barricaded behind
a concrete wall
of too many emotions
feeling wrong
but
oh so right
threading awareness
fleeting time
cancered chances
There is a film on
continuous replay
where I see you sleeping
I cry
Lover Mine; No. 1
If you speak to me,
Please understand this:
You have no right to know who I am.
Anything you have to say to me is
Meant for a girl you once knew.
I am not her.
I am not the ashes, heap of ashes,
You left in your wake. I am not
The tears you once wiped from my eyes,
I am not the ones you once cried.
I am not the one who made you
What you are. I am not the fire
At your tongue. I am not the trophy
You once won.
I am not the pretty broken thing,
Busted bird with a busted wing,
I am not the one who held the
Words you said. I did not share your bed.
I am not your veiled, weeping sun, and I
Am not your laughing half-moon. Yes,
We're gone. We ended too soon, but frankly
I'm not here to swoon over you.
I am not your lover, though I loved you so,
I am the winter and I am the snow,
Beautiful and cold, I am the place you're still
Stuck; intrepid soles sinking into mud.
You may have killed me, lover mine,
But I stand here breathing, one of a kind,
And, darling, I'm back for your blood.
lover dearest, you break like bones in my hands
do not fall in love with me
if you don't want to be broken.
i am a glass-shattering rain
my eyes are the eyes of a storm,
yours are transparent windowpanes.
when i am done with you
you will understand why hurricanes
and people share the same names.
I know, sweetheart
I’ve been fooled before
just as you have
with stories
and smiles and situations
that make us feel as though,
there
it
is.
there’s the feeling
there’s the one
only to find out,
it’s just another thanksgiving meal
not quite Christmas
not quite all hallows eve
So we rest in being fooled
and we laugh along
because the fool isn’t something done
on purpose
it’s just done.
we laugh along because we don’t
want them to know it hurts
we don’t want them to know the pain…
and it’s our hearts that suffer through it
moreover than theirs.
Maybe Someday
There are nights when I sit up
wondering if things will always end this way.
I’ve spent years in the beds of men
who didn’t deserve my body
and never cared for my mind
or the thoughts that ran through it
as their fingers ran through my hair
and I refuse to waste another day
being treated like a falling star when
I was born to burn like the sun.
I am more than a temporary fix for
your lonely days,
I am more than the heart, bleeding
on my sleeve.
I am the clouds in a stormy sky
and goddamn it, someday
this rain will clear up and the darkness
raging through me will evaporate
into the most beautiful rainbow
your sorry eyes have ever seen.
Maybe someday someone will come
along who doesn’t dull
the color radiating through my
veins.
Maybe someday someone will come
along who knows what love
means.
Maybe someday.
Love Cries
Love was a boy who I saw smile
He cut through my darkness like a ray of sunshine
He illuminate all I thought was lost,
And helped me learn to ignore my demons
I couldn't see how he hurt
He soaked up sadness like a dry sponge,
And darkness consumed him
He was being eaten alive
He looks like the love he will never feel
He drinks his own blood from a cup
Crafted from the lies of those who said they loved him,
But the more he is filled, the greater the void in his soul
His eyes that once shone with mystery
Now only prove broken misery
And the once romantic idea of love
Is replaced by the sorrowful sadness
Of a love that would not be loved
