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One in the Same

when guilt and grief are just the same
no way of knowing which one to claim
the sorrow of a loss too close
to home, to heart, to what we know
and what we cherish most in this world
for that lonely boy, that loving girl
now far estranged with no hope of return
I guess all that's left are the feelings that burn
the guilt of living, the grief love earns 

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love

i.

love hung at the tip of my tongue.

i told him, “leave me in the fire, you

can’t save us both” before juggling

emotions with infantile carelessness &

letting ash turn to stone.

 

ii.

love hid behind curtains of hair.

though articulacy wasn’t her forte,

she never played mute on paper

graffiti in bathroom stalls mocking

the school bully were her work

 

iii.

love found no pride in conceding

defeat till she was dared to walk away.

after 1 step forward & 2 steps backwards

she was in your arms again while time

mingled with tomorrow & today.

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There is no 'Friendship' category.

I would like to say that I was
always cynical, see-through
dryly thinking, rational,
that I was born, the world in my hand
and all around my fingers, but
not always as controlled.

I would like to say that I was
always cold, clear, round and
well proportioned, well pronounced
weary of surroundings
with a voice to match my stockings, but
not always as nice.

But there are times, I admit,
that I lie alone fighting in my bed,
sometimes maybe my father’s hand on my head.
That it would all pass, consolation in vain,
he more desperate than I.
Not sleeping, always crashing.
And that my neck is tired
carrying my head all day, that you say that
Everything is falling apart
and I have to confirm.
And no matter what, where, who I say wrong
and it could always be the last thing
you want to see, because you think
There’s no more room for me.
And the sun clouds my grammar
and the neighbors look at me
and I love you more than appropriately.

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Replenished...

How many stars
Will die
How many 
Will be born
Until I see you again?
How many tides
Will come and go
How many lakes
Will dry
Until we come together?
How many songs
Will play,
How many 
New will be written
Before we laugh again?
How many breaths
Will I take
How many 
Heart beats
Will pulse through me
Before I come apart
Ligaments and tendons
Undone like Lego's
That won't snap 
Into shapes again,
Until I see
The laughter of your eyes
Shine into my soul; then replenished...
APAD13 - 072

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Waltz...

You and I
May try 
And dance together,
But she,
She tangos
With my heart,
Dangerous steps between
My love and her eyes
Aggressively 
Entwined souls
Pushing and pulling,
Who will give 
And what will break,
The subtlety of her
Nuclear bombs
Going off in my mind,
All the minutes play
In rapid succession
How I would have approached her
And gracefully swept
Her away to a world
Dreamt between
Our exchange;
Lurid lucid waltz
That you and I;
Could only sway to...
APAD13 - 073

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Frolic...

I want to discuss with you, 
An old language
I learnt from the darkness
When the winds stopped
And the birds ceased their chirping 
I'll warn you though
We must be quiet 
Less than library voices 
Less than hushed whispers 
Less than quiet murmurs,
We must be only as loud 
As our heartbeats 
Echoing in our ears
Pulsing through our bodies 
As our lips melt together 
And our hands 
Our souls
Entangle 
Gasping for air
Rhythmic 
In our not so rhythmic 
Frolic, 
Tell me then, 
Isn't this language 
This passionate silence 
Better 
Than any other sounds 
Than any other exchange?
And only we will forever share
In it's intricacy...
APAD13 - 074

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Ricochet...

Even if I found
Three hundred and sixty five
Ways to say I loved you;
Would you say no
To every single one?
Would you have
A bullet to shoot me down
Every single time?
And would I bear
Every single hole
Through my soul
As you empty
Each clip into me?
Or would you break
And say yes
Before I figure out
That I should wear
A bulletproof vest,
So I can stand 
Up to every aim
Of your gun
To my face?
Keep firing away from your hip
As I ricochet from my heart...
APAD13 - 075

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Reality...

How would I imagine you
Under a sky without stars?
How would I imagine you
Under a sea without sun?
How would I imagine you
In a life
Without you?
How would I imagine
All the colors
Of the world
Without your eyes?
How would I imagine
All the sounds
Of nature
Without your laughter?
How to imagine
How to construct
A semblance of sanity
Without first losing my mind
At not finding you in this reality?
What I wouldn't do
To not have to imagine...

APAD13 – 076

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Science, Religion, and the Soul In Between

You are my favorite piece of colorful universe,
with your face mottled by the scars of blemishes
long dead and angst no longer felt.

A galaxy of flaws knitted together
by the big bang of God clapping his hands
in excitement over creating something new.

But baby, even planets have scars,
and there’s no supernova that can dim your light,
so stay a while and orbit imperfection with me.

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Dropped-watermelon

It is 4:33 AM
I am sleepless and
blushed the flush of my cheeks
speak by veins' blood rush in the vain speculation
I have fallen in love
I swear by Cupid's bow and the ruddiness of my Cupid's bow
my roses lay on the apples of my face
and your flight to the Big Apple is less than 24 hours away, you
are a hot tar mirage.

 

I can see myself seeing you

40 stories below strolling the street I could plunge the 480 feet

and try to run into you but I imagine you'd run into the dropped-watermelon version of me.

 

I'm no better off than having been shot with an arrow
into the air of my chest's cavity and
within my perception of adoration,
hopelessness is a commonality babble and mouthful of saliva.

I peel your skin back and receive a mouthful of seeds.
Of all the things I am able to love
I choose to love the one that does not love me.