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My Air

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And there I was

telling him that when in doubt,

remember that I love you,

remember that I love you,

I love you, and I love you.

But it was me the one who's in doubt;

the one that had so little to offer,

hence was afraid to receive.

Yet when he was with me he's all

wet lips and lazy eyes, and his hands,

his hands were fire smoldering my skin

like old weeds wrapped in thin papers.

So every day I practice losing him,

and every night, before going to bed,

I leave him a note, scribbled in pencil,

saying damage me,

so that I know

you're loving me


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Love Cries

Love was a boy who I saw smile

He cut through my darkness like a ray of sunshine

He illuminate all I thought was lost,

And helped me learn to ignore my demons


I couldn't see how he hurt 

He soaked up sadness like a dry sponge,

And darkness consumed him

He was being eaten alive


He looks like the love he will never feel

He drinks his own blood from a cup 

Crafted from the lies of those who said they loved him,

But the more he is filled, the greater the void in his soul


His eyes that once shone with mystery

Now only prove broken misery

And the once romantic idea of love

Is replaced by the sorrowful sadness

Of a love that would not be loved 


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love poem beta (revised)

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Off the Lot...

I'll love you
From silky smooth
To wrinkled,
From sane
To senile,
I'll love you
From sandy blonde or brunette
To ashen grey or balding white,
From twenty/twenty
To glaucoma,
I'll love you
From hushed whispers 
To hearing aids,
From skips and hops
To rascal scooters,
I'll love you
From fast food and coke
To ensure and depends,
From broken fingernails
To fractured hips,
I'll love you
From baby boy
To great grandchildren,
From skydives
To rocking chairs,
I'll love you
From glitter 
To pill reminders,
From off the lot
Until rusted into the ground,
I'll love you
From now
To forever,
From hello
To the grave...
APAD13 - 058

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fringe love

I bit into nerves slippery and shot;
soft and pliable as wine-soaked skin,
every eye-flick torn, every trembling day
and I know where the world goes when it disappears

sleep there, I need echoes and dust to breathe now;
fresh lungs hurt more than life itself,
and your voice is a stinging circle,
razing through swollen bones, marrow-slick

I was trying to feel something this morning;
pain or happiness or frustration
but, I need this, my cupboard has been spilling
for weeks now in disarray

I fixed it, I fixed it all while you're gone;
and the hours just sank into spaces
between light and multiplicity,
lost in whatever it is we call the past

and I am trying to decide if statues are gods;
if they sing or if they hum,
I don't even know if I really hear them,
it could be the madness in my tongue

I was never meant to be alive
where thoughts are the residual sobbing
of eons spent in unimaginable solitude and silence,
where the quiet is such a bleeding


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I set a foot into the licking edges of an infinite. Beyond? A lip. A gaping throat. The abyss itself.

All around me, children played and teenagers tried or failed to make love.

Beyond lay waves that have kissed a dozen coasts. Beyond lay azure, cerulean, and emeralds rendered down to a juice that sparkles diamond-bright with salt. Under the sun. Under the moon. Under stars. Beyond the edges lie a thousand colors under a roaming band of sunsets. Beneath?

Darkness. The self-conscious tan, the uncomfortable cook and peel, and someone reads a book.

In that darkness are creatures vast enough to bring us back to a history that does not favor us. Lovecraft's unmentionable horrors reflect the sea that's right in front of us. It's swallowed ships, dreams, ambitions, and Amelia Earhart. If you dare to delve down deep, you will be crushed. If you rise or fall too quickly, bubbles will erupt inside your blood. She can't be forced, only courted.

Somewhere, my mother shouts that I'm daydreaming. My sister puts something cold against my neck. She thinks I'll snap awake, but I am awake. I'm awestruck, in love, and terrified.

I suck on a plastic, freezy cylinder thing while I contemplate that great blue frontier.

Man... freezy pops are rad. Treats and salt water make a man profound. 

Prompt: A pelagic Anonymous asked me:


So glad to be home for a while. That said? I want to reblog stuff. Well, I want to reblog stuff with a review added. So if you want a piece reviewed? E-mail me and I'll reblog it. So there.

(c) 2013 Lawerence Hawkins. And as always, I welcome your prompts.

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I will never replace him
But I can eclipse his memories,
He like the moon 
Still casting shadows
From the past,
And I the glowing orb
In the sky shining fierce 
And bright
Trying to blind you
To all that he was,
But you wear your shades
And I can't pierce through,
Still reminiscing
Thinking there was
Maybe something
You didn't do
Didn't try, 
And so if
The light fails,
Then I will try
And warm your world
Until you peel off 
The heavy coat 
And layers of regrets
Weighing you down;
Letting you welcome
The sunrise of our future
And watch the sunset 
Close on the past 
You're moving on from
As I'm here to be
Your steadfast friend under the sun...
APAD13 - 055

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Solaris kai Lunitari


As night trickles in

Helios hovers off shore

Bringing you my love


Day breaks on your skin

As Selene bathes mine, milk white

Pure as hearts desire


Half of Gaia’s girth

Spreads betwixt and between we

Sun and Moon our guise

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At the bar

At the bar

I will not get hit on.

no one will look at me

with hunger on their teeth.

I will not be taken home.

Not because I am unattractive,

or unwelcoming, or intimidating,

but rather because I am awkward

and I lack the skills

required for small talk

but mostly because I am awkward.


I sit quietly at the end of the bar

drinking Rum and Coke’s

so fast I swallow the cup.

I watch the mingling by

other, more advanced gays

and avert my eyes

when they meet with his

or his, or his, or his.


I will leave the bar to early

before it becomes feeding frenzy

before anyone is forced to choose me.

On the stumble home

I will text him.

The one who broke me,

he will not respond

And I will feel

like drowning in a baby pool.