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It's been two years since I've seen
your beautiful faces
So many birthdays passed,
so many milestones reached,
brother, I heard you brought
your first child into the world,
and brother, I hear she's
beautiful- the spitting image
of her mother.
You're the only person who
understands why I 
ran out the door that Christmas
and never came home, but brother,
I need you to promise me you'll
remind our sisters of all
the love we shared before things
went wrong.
I can no longer live knowing
they blame me for leaving
them behind.
I should have stayed to protect them,
I know that now, 
but brother, we both know it's far too late.
I hope someday they grow up
and realize that it was a decision I had
to make,
I hope they see that I have spent
everyday since dreaming of the day
when I can finally see them once again
and save them from the abuse I left
between the walls of
our small suburban home
And brother, I need you to promise me one thing.
Promise you won't let them forget me.
Please, don't let them forget me.
I need them, brother. 
I'll never let go.

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Maybe Someday

There are nights when I sit up
wondering if things will always end this way.
I’ve spent years in the beds of men
who didn’t deserve my body
and never cared for my mind
or the thoughts that ran through it
as their fingers ran through my hair
and I refuse to waste another day
being treated like a falling star when
I was born to burn like the sun.
I am more than a temporary fix for
your lonely days,
I am more than the heart, bleeding
on my sleeve.
I am the clouds in a stormy sky
and goddamn it, someday
this rain will clear up and the darkness
raging through me will evaporate
into the most beautiful rainbow
your sorry eyes have ever seen.
Maybe someday someone will come
along who doesn’t dull
the color radiating through my
Maybe someday someone will come
along who knows what love
Maybe someday.

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Love Cries

Love was a boy who I saw smile

He cut through my darkness like a ray of sunshine

He illuminate all I thought was lost,

And helped me learn to ignore my demons


I couldn't see how he hurt 

He soaked up sadness like a dry sponge,

And darkness consumed him

He was being eaten alive


He looks like the love he will never feel

He drinks his own blood from a cup 

Crafted from the lies of those who said they loved him,

But the more he is filled, the greater the void in his soul


His eyes that once shone with mystery

Now only prove broken misery

And the once romantic idea of love

Is replaced by the sorrowful sadness

Of a love that would not be loved 


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Runaway Trains

I want to fly,

not like a bird or a plane

or dust suddenly caught in sunlight,

but like a runaway train

that cannot be confined.

Not held down.

Free from past transgressions,





and self-loathing.

I want to leave my terrors behind

and become someone else

who isn't demonized by memories.

Memories that cut

and scar

and hold me down

and keep me from flying.

I can't do that,

so I'll be here.



Stationary until my chains fall away.

The shackles that hold me down

and keep me from forgetting,


and flying.