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Reflections on the Often-Overlooked Memories of Roses in the Garden

If a butterfly,
painted and fragile,
really can,
with only a dainty flutter,
spawn typhoons
that strike a saltwatery fear
into the hearts of men,
ropy-handed sailors and coward wailers alike,

you were a Monarch,
sometimes around, sometimes not,
that quelled the tempest between my temples,
and I saw the sea quiet and flatten once more.

Times have changed, time has passed,
not too much, and not enough.
But this mariner,
this stubborn observer of all things to pass —
dreamed, or seen through the captain’s looking glass —
will never unsee
the fire-ink design on that Monarch’s wings,
and one day,
far out into the misty ocean’s possibilities,
that one butterfly will fly again,
elegant and free,
for him to witness.

Overall



A beautiful piece. My favorite part of this is the way you describe a Monarch's wing: the fire-ink design on that Monarch’s wings

That is an astounding image to me. I can't get over how much I love that. There are 2 levels of liking something: One in which you admire said thing, and one in which you hate yourself for not thinking of it first. This happens to be the latter.

 

Now I will quit acting like a school girl and give you some concrete review.

I was really hoping you would take the Monarch concept a little farther and relate it to a king, or some type of government authority. It would have brought a whole new level to the poem. I really wish, just for me, you would go back and dive a little deeper into this and add that in. If you did I would have sex with this poem. I would also like to see you bring some type of form to the poem, maybe something to reflect the shape of a butterfly or something. I just think it would make the whole piece look as good as it is written. I love your use of the ocean to create a feeling of distance, and bring a little melancholy to the poem. Not only the sea, but men who sail the sea. I really enjoyed this. Thank you for the wonderful read, and keep writing! -Isaac