I think that brief pieces have a place, but that this didn't go far enough, say enough, or...well, say something from a new perspective. On a basic flow, I felt that "And all my heart wants is you..." is a clumsy, cliched response to a memorable cliche. If you're going to use something that we've all heard, you've got to make it sharper. Make it personal. Or, barring that, I'd probably cut the "And" - it feels clunky to me, like better words could be used in the limited space.
A short piece is made or broken by what you DO say. I don't feel like you put the words to work. That said? Do it over. Do something else. Just keep going.
Write on; it's how we get better.