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She Wished to be the Moon



Can I just say that I absolutely love this piece? From the very first line you had me. As a little girl I used to lie down by my window and look up at the sky, in search of the moon. When I would see it, I’d find myself whispering stories to it as though it could hear me. So this one hit closer to home. But aside from the fact that it resonated with me, this was a lovely fable to read.

Your beautiful, simple language and light tone was very appropriate for the kind of piece it is. I found myself rolling through it and enjoying it quite a bit. I would only recommend reworking one sentence: “Watching her struggle to make it up the hill the moon knew what was to become of the old woman; having watched the human race for many centuries.” Perhaps to: “Having watched the human race for many centuries, the moon knew what would become of the old woman as she struggled to make her way up the hill.” If you’d rather keep the order of the clauses, you can change the comma before the final clause to a semi-colon, I believe. But aside from that, this is incredible. Thank you for sharing it!