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I sat here wondering

What my life would be

To lay by your side

Throughout the days


We'll sit in the porch

Bask in the morning sun

As we watch our children

In the big green lawn


We'll have a small laugh

I'll kiss you in the lips

Your arms around me

You hold me so tightly


I breathe your smell

And lay my head

In your warm broad shoulders

I am complete






There's a clear sentiment behind these words; unfortunately, the multitude of unoriginal phrases ("to lay by your side," "I'll kiss you on the lips," "I am complete"--among others) weigh this poem down severely. Your attempts at tenderness would be more effective if you'd provided the reader with specific images: what are your children doing on the lawn? What do they look like? What does your lover smell like? Things like that. The third stanza as a whole lacks originality--think: how can you show love subtly? Kissing and hugging is overdone and is nowadays unexciting when you just present it to your reader flat out. My advice is if you've got a scene in mind, paint it on the page with all the little details. Cliches and general statements don't usually work well in poetry; it's adventurous writing and specificity that does.