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On Wembury Beach

How was it we were brought together?

A glorious weekend in June,

The sun shone, entranced by our union, refusing to be hidden

As we stood on that balcony, oblivious, and played flawlessly

The parts which the gods had written for us, 

Unaware that every word we spoke

Was but the closing of Vulcan’s engine that

Compelled us together.


The evening wore on, and the envious sun 

Hid itself in a shroud of mauve and vermilion.

The balmy night drew in, and I fell into unconsciousness

Unaware of my surroundings. 

Light greeted me. The crushed whites of an uncovered duvet

Lit by the hasty promises of a coastal morning, 

And the azure sea shimmered in the cove. 

Gulls called to me, and the tang of salt echoed through my nose.


I turned to find you

Lying completely still beside me,

With your smouldering eyes closed you looked almost angelic, 

Ultimately at peace with the world. 

We lay in a window seat, not four foot square

Our forms held tightly to each other, 

Battling the morning chill that lit up your cheeks, 

And there I found perfection.

The wind tussled your hair as you lay, 

You held me tighter, instinctively, 

And every worry I ever had drifted away 

On those playful gusts, and out, over the sea

To join the thoughts of those

That also lay in perfection.


Consider making this piece a prose piece instead of a poetry piece. I like the themes, but I would like to see it developed more like a short story than a piece that relies on enjambment. The arcs are nice and the imagery works well, but it follows clearly like a story and not emotively like a poem. There is a fine line between the two, I think. If you decide to keep it as a poem, consider focusing more on the feelings behind what is happening than the events themselves. With work I can see this moment transforming into something very nice.