I'll be ruminating over this one for a while, simply because of your wording. Well done, in that regard!
I would like to offer up my perception, in the sense that each stanza became progressively less impressive. You started strong, and should have finished at least as strong. It's allowed to have a little fat in the middle, which it did, but the ending needs fine-tuning. You switch from a stanza with well thought out language, to a stanza with a little twist of a metaphor, to a flat statement with no special wording or deeper meaning. Just a few thoughts.
Thanks for the interesting read!